In The Network

Let’s get this out of the way first: Deena is not going to sleep with you in order to fulfill your creepy asian chick fantasy. Unless you’re David Wright, Adam Moore, JJ Hardy, Evan Longoria, or possibly Russell Branyan (You say domestic assault. She says simple misunderstanding).

The Tokyo-born-and raised hospitality businesswoman doubled majored at Western Washington University in Forensic Linguistics and Japanese, with a minor in Criminal Justice. She’s worked for Nordstroms and Northwest Airlines, and now makes her home in Seattle after a sting in Federal Law Enforcement in Detroit. Beware: While she’s most likely to be found on a tennis court in her spare time, she’s just as comfortable at a gun range as she is in a batting cage.

She will be here to hold your hand through the Mariners season, and will let you virtually cry on her shoulder when they once again squander a $100 million payroll and settle into their room in the basement of the AL West. Again, see above: There will be no touching in the Champagne Room.

If you do manage to pour a couple of drinks into her, though, she’ll turn red (yep, it’s an Asian thing), but also tell you of her earliest sports memories (watching the Yomiuri Giants with her father), her best day at the park (June 2009 in Detroit, watching Branyan crush a late go-ahead homer), and her worst ($120 for tickets at Safeco Field and all she got was a sore throat from booing Jeff Weaver as he gave up double-digit runs in only two innings).

Yes, she admires Japanese players Hideo Nomo (Go Kintetsu Buffaloes!) and Ichiro Suzuki. But she also has a soft spot for Carlos Guillen based on a pleasant encounter in the aisles of a local grocery store. Brett Favre and Tiger Woods? She’d like to invite them to be driving the team bus carrying the Red Sox as it plunges over a cliff. On fire. With country music playing through the speakers.

Deena was a catcher in her college softball team and is waiting for a $6 million deal from the Mariners so she can overthrow Rob Johnson. Until then you can find her in the waiting room of Milton Bradley’s shrink, gently sobbing into her souvenir Mariner Moose beach towel. She’s also on Twitter as @diamondgirl55

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Biography written by Mark.T (follow a fellow Mariners fan @SeattleDriver)

My Blog: Mariners Magnified

Other Blog: http://marinersmaginified.com