Good evening. This week we’re gonna try something. It’s called begging asking politely. I write this review every week and, while it’s a fun thing to do, is does take up my Thursday nights, an increasingly valuable time period in which I could be watching the insanity that is “High School of the Dead” with my girlfriend or playing Civilization 4 like some kind of weird, lonely, isolating loser. Point is, that viewcount number at the top of the page can be pretty helpful in keeping this review going, as well as the occasional thoughtful or at least not-psychotic comment in the comments section. Feel free to spread this column around or comment on it and therefore give me positive reinforcement for the free content I put out on the internet…..FOR YOU!!!!

But anyway, NXT opened this week with a video package building up our main event of the evening, the match between Emma and Paige to decide the NXT women’s champion. Both ladies got their own verbage in for a pretty sweet little video.

Or maybe it’s not the main event? Paige defeated Emma in the opener to become the champ. All the ladies of NXT came out nicely dressed to congratulate her and then TRIPLE H did the same and raised Paige’s hand in victory.

After a video package concerning WWE’s recent trip to the far east, Tyler Breeze debuted, defeating Angelo Dawkins with a spinning heel kick. The Ascension then beat jobbers McGee and McGoo. In the main event, Sheamus beat Luke Harper. And that was the show.

Main event, main event, opener. Go figure:

I’m warning you now, I’m gonna be the guy that looks into this way too much.

When the NXT Heavyweight Champion was crowned, the match was the main event of the show. When the NXT Tag Team Champions were crowned, the match was the main event of the show. When the NXT Women’s Champion was crowned……the match opened the show to make room for Sheamus fighting a random member of the Wyatt Family in order to resolve his run in during the most recent match for the tag titles.

I think Weird Al makes my point, but there wasn’t any real reason why the Sheamus match, which was fine, should have had precedence over a title match to conclude a tournament that also ended up being a better wrestling match and was connected to the feel-good moment of Triple H congratulating Paige for her victory afterwards. Except the people in the opening match were girls. And the giant red-haired fella fighting at the end of the show was one of the biggest stars on the main roster. I think one of those reasons is better than the other but in my opinion neither justifies Paige’s title win being relegated to opener.

Just goes to show you can’t take a step towards gender equality in wrestling without somebody purposely or accidentally negating a big chunk out of that step.

Congratulations world. This is you:

So……Tyler Breeze debuted. I guess you could say I’ve heard a bit of hype about the guy from the wrestle-blog people I read. You know, certain people whose new NXT review is always written way before I get off work and can even watch the show and has probably affected my views maybe a little? Oh, and our own Matty J. Douglas, who managed to write a character analysis before this new character had even debuted on television.

So the guy’s had people talking. And setting expectations. This week’s Tyler Breeze segment was just a squash match introduction to the character and……..well……..he’s pretty one note at the moment. And that one note is selfies.


Now, I know there’s a story behind this character, one involving a recent WWE tryout camp in Florida. Apparently an impressive athlete was doing drills well and all but just would not, for the life of him, get off his damn cell phone. After being asked to put the stupid thing away, he wouldn’t and so they kicked him to the curb. An actual person couldn’t get off his phone long enough to chase an amazing opportunity in a niche business. That happened and now we get Tyler Breeze and his minute-long selfie marathon and his transition-move finisher. I’m pretty sure the guy behind the annoying character (he’s a heel, I know he’s supposed to be annoying) is a capable wrestler, so I’m gonna wait and see if Tyler Breeze ends up being as awesome as everyone seems to think he’ll be.

Lonestar’s View on the Ascension before their match:

Is anyone else as sick of the Ascension as I am? It’s like the gimmick that will never die, never evolve and never, ever get called up. There’s nothing inherently wrong with Conor O’ Brian as a wrestler but I’ve seen him do this limited Ascension thing for so damn long that I just don’t want to see it anymore. Rick Victor isn’t gonna change my opinion on that. Just let it die and let them go if it’s not working out.

Lonestar’s View on the Ascension after their match:

…..okay, I forgot Mr. Victor was a competently technical wrestler and therefore the (excuse this blasphemous example) Bret Hart to O’ Brian’s Jim Neidhart. Get Victor some trunks that mesh with O’ Brian’s image, change both their names to something a rage vampire would actually be called, make ‘em fight the new tag champs and I’ll stop my bitching.

Boom, that’s NXT this week! Once again, please leave some comments so I know I’m writing a blog and not a journey. Enjoy your weekend. Enjoy wrestling.