Good Morning Humanoids! My name is Lonestar Kardashian and-ohmygawd-these are today’s top stories.

The talk of the internet….or at least of the parts interested in the WWE brand of wrestling…is all about the first episode of WWE’s “Total Divas”. And how it sucked, mostly. Our own talking, typing Seagull reviewed the show here and compared it to an Arrested Development reference involving a dead animal. Now I saw all this negativity and pre-conceived notions of terribleness and decided to watch the show for myself and enjoy it if I could.

…..I lasted about 20 minutes or so. I saw a “coming up next” clip about fighting over champagne and decided I’d rather do something else. But the show did reach a surprising number of viewers during its debut episode, right Mr. Press Release?

E!’S “TOTAL DIVAS” SERIES PREMIERE DELIVERS 1.3 MILLION TOTAL VIEWERS ON SUNDAY NIGHT AT 10PM

New E! Series Taking Viewers Inside the World of WWE Divas Both Inside and Outside the Ring Delivers E!’s Most Watched Series Debut Since “Married to Jonas” in August 2012

In last night’s series debut at 10pm, “Total Divas” delivered 1.3 MM Total Viewers / 855K A18-49 / 1.1 HH rtg making it E!’s most-watched new series debut since Married to Jonas in August 2012.

“Total Divas” was the 2ndmost social program in all ad-supported cable for the day (65K), behind only E!’s “Keeping Up with the Kardashians.”

Across both airings at 10pm and midnight, “Total Divas” delivered 2 MM Total Viewers and 1.3 MM in its core demo, A18-49.

“Total Divas” launched off the back of the continued strength of “Keeping Up with the Kardashians,” which delivered its 2ndmost-watched telecast of Season 8 with 2.8 MM Total Viewers.

Look at all those numbers! Here’s an interesting tidbit: Total Divas got a 1.1 rating and TNA has averaged a 1.011 rating for the first six months of 2013. Source That’s a little embarrassing, isn’t it? It’s ok, Smackdown received 2.65 million viewers last Friday compared to the 2.8 million viewers that watched Keeping Up with the Karashians. So suck on that internet, other people have interests different than our own!

IN OTHER NEWS:

Matt Striker will be part of the broadcast for “Championship Wrestling from Hollywood”, an independent promotion in California. Rajah.com Will he annoy his new coworkers with extremely specific references and just plain, straight up incorrect facts? Only time will tell.

TNA is doing some secret mystery wrestler thingie. Whoever it might be is supposed to show up this Thursday I guess. Like all TNA mysteries I just assume its Jeff Jarrett. You know, this guy:

And believe it or not, that’s the news. If you find yourself wondering how the women of Total Divas could dare find a boyfriend whilst working for the WWE and therefore while surrounded by some of the fittest, most muscular, most charismatic, most ambitious men on the planet and get a headache, then look at this picture of Nattie in a cop outfit and you’ll feel better.

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