Rivalry week, or Bruin-Rape Awareness Week, as I like to call it, is off to a quick start in LA. The Trojans drew first blood this year, painting UCLA fraternity houses, fountains, and the campus teddy bear a manlier hue of Cardinal and Gold. The Bruins responded quickly, boldly asking USC students to "please stop it." As the football team prepares for the annual cross-town matchup and the child-abuse lawsuits sure to follow, and as some of us wallow in term-papers and finals (twenty pages on Brahman weddings? are you kidding?), USC and the Pac-9 kicks off the best week in football with the Top 5 Moments in the battle for Los Angeles.
5 - 1929: USC 76, UCLA 0
In one of the great pranks in sports history, USC agrees to play UCLA in football. By the time Trojan cheerleaders started racking up touchdowns, Ashton Kutcher could be heard bellowing from the Bruin sideline "you all just got Punk'd!"
4 - The Great Bell Heist of 1941
Tired of trouncing the local special-needs school in football year after year, a handful of USC students brought some much needed attention to the rivalry by confiscating a 295-pound brass bell from UCLA given to the university for getting a gold star on their spelling test a week earlier. During the opening game of the 1941 UCLA football season, six fearless Trojans courageously lifted the bell straight from the Bruin cheering section and onto a truck, parading the massive prize through Los Angeles and back to USC all while gutting a bruin and spanking UCLA President Wheeler's wife. After a year of shameless Bruin groveling and pleading, the USC Student Body President agreed to return the Victory Bell, suggesting the teams play for it the following year. UCLA reluctantly agreed, knowing they may never see the brass monster again. USC owns the series 44 to 28.
3 - 1990: USC 45, UCLA 42
In the highest scoring game in series history, Southern Cal and UCLA combined for 42 points and four lead changes in the fourth quarter, with three touchdowns in the final three minutes alone. Todd Marinovich found Johnnie Morton in the endzone with 16 seconds left to seal the victory, as all that was good and just in the world triumphed over the forces of darkness. USC was so pleased with the victory they decided not to play again the following 8 years.
2 - The 1989 Shitstorm
To their credit, a wiley crew of UCLA delinquents evaded USC campus security in 1989 by renting a helicopter and dumping some five-hundred pounds of blue-dyed manure over Tommy Trojan. To their dismay, the helicopter blades sucked the manure straight up, drenching the bewildered Bruins in their own baby blue filth. That's right. Drenching. Sadly, it was not the first time a group of UCLA students left USC after having been shit on (see number 5 for details).
1 - The Game of the Century
On the morning of November 18th, 1967, UCLA entered the Los Angeles Coliseum with the number one ranking and the number one Heisman candidate in the country. By the night of November 18th, the Trojans would leave the Coliseum with the National Championship, the Heisman, and UCLA's testicles neatly gift-wrapped with a bow slung over their shoulders. In what has since been dubbed "the Game of the Century," USC tailback and future Heisman winner O.J. Simpson led the Trojans to 21-20 victory, capped off with a winding, 67-yard run in the fourth quarter to steal the game. O.J. Simpson was never seen again. Ever.