[Editor's Note] - Please welcome Nate, our newest writer, aboard!

In order to, um, ease your way into talk of colonoscopies, ponder the following question while reading this essay: all things being equal, what are the relative values of these players? The info provided here is incomplete and in no way sufficient to evaluate MVP candidates, but I'm using the simplified metrics to hopefully make a more qualitative point.

Player A: 132 games, 571 PA, .338/.433/.635

Player B: 150 games, 648 PA, .328/.420/.622

Player C: 130 games, 559 PA, .361/.414/.635

Player D: 18 games, 77 PA, .265/.325/.529

One of the basic principles behind using statistics, let alone advanced sabermetric statistics, to evaluate baseball players is that the biases of our perceptual and memory systems make us quite terrible...

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