It is now 6pm eastern standard time on Saturday which for tennis fans means that it is 10am on Sunday in Melbourne and just one week away from the Wizard crowning the next King and Queen of Oz. But before we get there, let’s take a look back at the first week of the Australian Open which has been a very eventful one-
The Australian Open means so many things to so many different people. It’s a place to make idiotic racial and political statements, a place to show off your outrageous fashion sense, a place to lose all your money, and a place where Andy Murray will win his first Grand Slam title and finally silence all the naysayers. I have broken down the tournament so far into the following subjects:
Current Events- Seems like the same story every year down under. Yet another incident with wacky anti-semitic eastern Europeans. This time it was a group of Croatian thugs carrying flares and flashing Nazi salutes, that attacked a photographer and harassed many fans. They really let everyone into this country.
Fashion Police- Rafael Nadal has been looking pretty sharp on the court, at playing tennis, sporting the stripes and plaid gear, not so much. But not quite as bad as Maria Sharapova’s ensemble. Fashion is breathing a sigh of relief at her first round exit.
Most Embarrassing- The Most “Embarrassing Thing That Happened So Far” award goes to that ball boy who drank a little to much water and then worked the Donald Young vs Christophe Rochus match. I mean urinating in your pants is embarrassing enough, but when they hold up a professional, televised tennis match while they clean up your pee, it’s outright mortifying.
Most Disgraceful Player So Far- After being spanked in straight sets by Alejandro Falla, 31 year old Brazilian, Marcos Daniel pushed a heckling female fan down to the ground. Perhaps there’s a role for Mr. Daniel in the upcoming season of Jersey Shore.
Memories- I can’t believe it was only 11 months ago that I was dominating my friend Carson on Court 5 at Melbourne Park, a week after last year’s tournament had ended and the grounds keeper made me borrow a pair of sneakers to finish our match. Apparently my pair of brown new balance are not tennis sneakers and I had scuffed up the entire court. Good thing it wasn’t a week BEFORE the open.
“The Situation”- For all of you numbers guys and girls out there, the first week of the Australian Open has pretty much went to form with 9 of the top 10 seeds still remaining on the men’s side and 7 out of 10 on the women’s side. There are 2 Americans still alive on the men’s side and 2 on the women’s. I have already watched close to 40 hours of tennis, and with all this late night tennis excitement-have drank 8 Jack on the Rocks’ after 3am to help me go to sleep. Notable early exits were eighth seed Robin Soderling, American hopeful Sam Querrey, Jar Jar Binks look-a-like, Gael Monfils and defending US Open champion Kim Clijsters.
Winning Money- So potential big mens upsets for the round of 16 include up and coming Croat, Marin Cilic over US Open defending champ and recent wrist injury sufferer, Juan Martin Del Potro and Croat giant Ivo Karlovic over Nadal. What a round of tennis it would be for Croatia if this happened, though history does not support such predictions in both Croats being 0-2 against their respective opponents. On the women’s side look for Maria Kirilenko to take out fellow countrywomen and consistent big-match-choker, Dinara Safina. My friend Bean (a.k.a. MPH to you FanvsFan frequenters) and I have created a tennis betting formula for finding the perfect bets. I’ll let you know when we’re NOT rich.
Departing Wisdom- While I know for all of you huge tennis fans reading this article, the only thing you are thinking about right now is who will Andy Murray be beating in this year’s final, I ask you to take a moment to reflect on some of those less fortunate people out there who are really suffering in the world, like poor Tiger Woods who is boldly fighting the battle against sex addiction. Good for you Tiger checking into that sexual addiction rehabilitation clinic. Oh and go J.E.T.S. Jets Jets Jets. Make history tomorrow.
-David Leiter
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